i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
