Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
