i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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