Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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