I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
