The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
