idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
