Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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