since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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