Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
