i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize