How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
