Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
