The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
