Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have fence marks all over my body
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
