Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
two words...techno handjob
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
