Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
