my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He better not be in your backpack
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
