I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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