If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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