and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
