where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
