Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
