Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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