remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
