Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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