This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
