For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
