sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.