i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.