I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
