I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
