Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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