accomplished twins. life is a go
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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