we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize