There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
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He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
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She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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