I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
