My sheets look like a crime scene.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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