All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We have started to decorate penises.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
