im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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