your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
