She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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