Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
