Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
