zippers are such a cool invention
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just gargled with NyQuil
Dick very happy bro
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
