wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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