My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
