She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
