i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
