walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
