I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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