im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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