fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
