You're my little dorito
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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