If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
even my farts smell like vagina
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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