what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
