I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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