the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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