We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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