You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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