just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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