I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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