Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
