can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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