Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
