i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
