Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
