just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
