how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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